My Deepest TCK Fear

In Guest Post on November 6, 2017 by joshsandoz

Contributed by Lauren Wells

Lauren Wells 1I first heard the term Third Culture Kid or “TCK” in high school, and simultaneously found out that I was one. While many reject being labeled, I personally found much solace in finally feeling like something explained the rootlessness and lack of belonging that I felt. I have always worn the TCK label proudly and have, for better or for worse, lived up to the typical TCK expectations- moving often, having difficulty developing deep friendships, feeling restless, not wanting to settle down. However, three years ago, my husband and I moved to Portland, Oregon. This three year stretch has been the longest period of time that I have lived in one place since elementary school, and the scariest part? We have no intention of leaving anytime soon.

I write a lot about TCKs and settling. I have said that, “The healthy TCK realizes that they have a need for change and knows that they are more comfortable with the adapting process than with the settled life. However, they have learned how to control the need for change instead of letting it control them. They are willing to be somewhat uncomfortable so that they can live a settled life in the necessary areas.” Read More »

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SEX and RELATIONSHIPS

In Member Post on October 17, 2017 by joshsandoz

Contributed by Eileen Edwards

Sex is a hot topic all around the world. Ideas about it vary from culture to culture and this in itself can cause confusion and problems. There are particular difficulties for those who live between cultures, either because they live in a country not of their birth, or because their family values differ from those of the society around them which can be a cause of unhappiness and conflict.

One problem which can exist in all cultures is an embarrassment about sexual matters and resulting difficulty in discussing them. Misinformation is often all too easily available with factual information less so.

My aim as a psychologist and therapist with a specialist qualification in psycho-sexual problems is to provide factual information. Read More »

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Rituals of Separation: A South Korean Memoir of Identity and Belonging

In Guest Post on September 8, 2017 by joshsandoz

Contributed by Liz Rice

I was nine months old when my American family landed in Seoul, South Korea, in 1966, the youngest of four children. My parents were social justice oriented people, called to divided places. They moved to South Korea as missionaries to try and help a country that had lived through a devastating century.

liz rice youthI was too young when we arrived to go through culture shock or deal with acculturation as my parents did. I was too young to know what it meant that we were leaving the country of my passport behind. Going to Korea is something I don’t remember. I woke up to life there. And over sixteen years, Korea, its history and its ways, became my reference point.

I learned to speak Korean as I learned to speak English. For the first four years of my life, as my parents were attending language school and beginning to work, I was in the daily care of Koreans, soaking up language, culture and the customs of one of the most Confucius and homogenous cultures in the world. I went to Korean nursery school, soaking up even more. Up until the age of five, when we first visited the US, Korea was all I remembered and knew. My family was American, but the US was a foreign country. For the next sixteen years, Korea was, simply, home.

And if the story ended there, it would be a story of a complicated and rich childhood in a place of contrasts and contradiction, in a humble, ancient nation far away from the home of my ancestors. A story of a girl, part Korean, part American, and always something in between. But something happened after my family left Korea. Read More »

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Reverse Culture Shock: What Is It + How Do You Cope?

In Member Post on July 28, 2017 by joshsandoz

Contributed by Kim Roberts

If you’ve spent time living abroad, you have probably experienced some level of culture shock. Life as an expat expands your horizons, and also exposes you to new ways of being in the world. Culture shock is a well-known phenomenon that occurs when our existing set of beliefs clash with the current environment. It takes time to adapt to strange customs. But not as readily discussed is the trauma many experience after coming home—reverse culture shock. Returning to our country of origin can be more challenging than leaving home in the first place.

As an American, I experienced this acutely on my return from my first trip to India. For some inexplicable reason, I chose to visit a friend in Arkansas just a few days after I landed.

I remember looking into the eyes of one shop clerk, then watching his mouth move, trying with all my focus to hear what he was saying. My ears had become accustomed to South Indian pidgin English, and his Southern country drawl was absolutely incomprehensible.

This is a superficial version, but many features of reverse culture shock are far more deep rooted. Read More »

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“If I can eat, I feel OK.” 「食べられれば大丈夫」

In Member Post on April 18, 2017 by joshsandoz

Contributed by Cécile Buckenmeyer, Jungian Psychotherapist

nature-fashion-person-womanThe interview

On a September morning, in suburban Manchester, I meet Yoko and her two-year old son. We sit in a conservatory furnished with plain, Ikea-style table and chairs; I accept her offer of a glass of water. I came to interview Yoko about her experience of moving to the UK. She arrived four months ago. “My husband was sent to the UK for two or three years”, she says. When I ask her what helps her cope with this transition, she explains that food is very important for her and that, as long as the food is OK, she feels that she can live here: “If I can eat, I feel OK”.

A month later, at our second interview, we discuss what helps Yoko feel comfortable in the UK. She replies that she switches the Japanese TV on in the morning and listens to the news: “I don’t fall behind; I keep up with the Japanese news.” She also uses Facebook, which gives her a sense that she is in touch with friends. She does these things mindlessly, knowing that “they don’t serve any purpose for her life in the UK”.

When, two months later, I go for a third and last interview, Yoko is more confident speaking English and asking questions. She has been able to have short conversations with her daughter’s teacher. As we say goodbye, Yoko tells me that she has appreciated my visits: “I don’t have contact with people from outside the house. So, one week is long. I find myself waiting for Saturday when I can be with my children and husband. It was good to have a bit of change in my daily life. ” Read More »

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Endings are part of the path we walk……..

In Member Post on March 20, 2017 by joshsandoz

Contributed by Dawn Purver, Diploma Psychotherapeutic Counselling

Dawn Purver OneIn the early hours of a morning I waved goodbye, once again, to my two eldest sons; one journeying back to UK, and the other beginning his own adventure in Bolivia.

As the vehicle disappeared into the darkness, my heart broke and the tears flowed once again as I embraced the feelings of separation, and acknowledged those all too familiar feelings of loss of being a family together.

As cross cultural workers; endings, separation and loss are a frequent part of choosing this path.  The pain that accompanies saying goodbye is often fresh and frequent.  We learn to negotiate transition and letting go, perhaps more than in many other types of work.

Occasionally we can plan our goodbyes, and sometimes we cannot.  Easier to prepare for an airport goodbye, but difficult with a friend dying from aids in Africa, and impossible for a loved one gunned down in Syria. Read More »

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Expat Couples: Make it or Break it?

In Member Post on February 14, 2017 by joshsandoz

Contributed by Viktoria Ivanova, M. Ed., Expat Therapist

Expat Couples: Make it or Break it?

Happy facesMoving to a new country by yourself can be both exciting and difficult. Moving to a new country with your spouse and kids can exaggerate these associated emotions even more. The new challenges that you face as you journey together through this change can often make or break a relationship.

Presenting Concern:

As a therapist for expats, I quite often meet with men and women who share the same confronting struggles. These are people who choose to accompany their spouses to a foreign land where a great job opportunity is presented, and effectively rendering themselves a stay-at-home partner.

Upon arrival, they find themselves limited to the roles of a parent, a homemaker, and a spouse. Quite often, the non-worker in the relationship feels a loss of identify as the diversity of their roles in life diminish. For many, moving abroad meant quitting a job or resigning a career, and at the same time removing themselves from a social structure that comforts them. Basically, this meant their career-related creativity, productivity, and skills had to be packed in a box and put in storage along with their other cherished belongings.

Through my practice, I also meet with stressed and over-worked partners who feel overwhelmed by their new professional positions, who are often confused by their spouses’ frustrations and complaints, making them feel like outsiders in their own family. Read More »

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Quarterly ITD News for January, 2017

In Directory News on January 28, 2017 by joshsandoz

ITD News:

Over the last quarter of 2016, there have been updates to the following sections of the directory: Colombia, Costa Rica, Egypt, England, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Israel, Malaysia, Mexico, Monaco, Netherlands, Pakistan, Qatar, Russia, Sweden, Switzerland, USA, and Worldwide sections.

Welcome to all new members!!

ITD Website Developments in the Works:

We have begun work with a website developer with the aim of helping the International Therapist Directory website take next steps in its maturation. This will include ongoing and expanded google advertising for the site throughout the world. Further, over the course of 2017, we have a goal of making the site mobile friendly. These are very exciting and necessary developments. Stay tuned!
Read More »

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English-speaking counsellor with a special focus on relationship issues in the home and at work

In Member Post on December 31, 2016 by joshsandoz

Contributed by Lindsey Anderson

[This ITD Guest Post was originally published on www.knowitall.ch.]

Lindsey AndersonAs the festive season approaches, it can be a tough time for many people, especially expats who don’t have the benefit of family nearby to draw upon for support.

Even those with a vast network of family and friends can feel lonely at Christmas as everyone seems far too busy with their own festive preparations to concern themselves with other people’s worries.

At times like this, it can be helpful to call upon the services of a professional therapist, trained to help clients manage the wide range of daily issues that can prove particularly challenging, not just at Christmas, but on other occasions throughout the year as well.

One English-speaking therapist, who was recently recommended to us, and has a special interest in relationship issues in the home, family and at work, is Lindsey Anderson.  Having been married, divorced, a working mum, a stay-at-home mum, self-employed and re-located several times herself, Lindsey knows how difficult it is to juggle the roles of parent, partner, professional, wage earner and non-earner.

Lindsey told knowitall.ch, “I know how difficult it is to be your true-self when you’re juggling so many different roles and conflicting emotions. sometimes it just gets too much and you need someone to help you untangle yourself.” Read More »

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2016 Mid-Year Review

In Directory News on July 2, 2016 by joshsandoz

summer

ITD News:

In the first six months of 2016, we have had updates to the following sections of the directory:

Australia, Belgium, England, France, Germany, Guam, Italy, Netherlands, Portugal, Senegal, Singapore, South Africa, South Korea, Switzerland, UAE, USA, Vietnam, and Worldwide.

Welcome to all new members!! Read More »

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