Archive for category: Guest Post

Contributed by Tina Quick

Third culture kids/global nomads have typically interacted with two or more cultures during their developmental years—those years that shape who they are as human beings. As they go about living their normal highly mobile, cross-cultural lives, they have no clue as to how they are being impacted. But one day they have an experience that wakes them up to the fact that they are different from others. This commonly takes place upon repatriation for college or university when they are surrounded mostly by those who have never ventured away from their home country or culture. What results is the feeling of cultural imbalance, not fitting in, inability to connect with their home-country peers. They feel like a “fish out of water” in their own country.

In 2009 Tina Quick wrote her groundbreaking book, The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition, to help these students understand what takes place in re-entry and/or transition and give them the tools and strategies they need to not only survive but to thrive in the adjustment. This was the first book written to and for students who have been living outside their “passport” countries but were either returning “home” or transitioning on to another host country for college/university. Highly popular with teens, parents, educators and counselors, it addressed the common issues students face when they are making the double transition of not only adjusting to a new life stage but to a cultural change as well.

Tina just announced her new and updated second edition of The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition has just been released and is now available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle versions.

The Four Pearls: Tina addresses in detail the four most common stumbling blocks TCKs) face in the transition to college/transition that can come as a huge surprise. She strongly believes if all students were aware of them, they would smoother transitions.

• The transition cycle—Involvement, Leaving, Transition, Entering, Re-involvement
• TCK identity development—the search for congruence in the sense of who they are as TCKs
• Unresolved grief—from multiple losses and separations
• Relationships—how global nomads relate differently from their domestic peers

New in the Second Edition:

• Articles by guest authors –
  –   Amanda Bates, M.B.A., M.Ed. on diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging and building a career;
  –   Lois Bushong, M.S. on mental health issues and finding a counselor;
  –   Lauren Wells on dismantling your grief tower and romantic relationships
• Updates and new stories brought about by 10 years of cultural change and a pandemic.
• Expanded Parents’ chapter addressing the fallout of common parenting strategies as well as how parents can come alongside their students, prepare them for the journey, and support them throughout this major transition.

Praise for The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition, Second Edition

“This book has been written with TCK students and their parents in mind. However, it should also be required reading for senior school counselors, educators, transition-team members and all university personnel – admissions, counselors, academics, educators and carers. Filled with the perspectives of those actually making the university transition, namely TCK students, there are important insights, ‘truths’ and ‘pearls’ to inform optimal transitions-care programs and practices in schools and universities. The updates and inclusions in this second edition are timely and provide an authentic, empathetic and practical resource; a safe place for TCK students to probe, prompt, plan and prepare, and a place to gain perspective and agency to proactively pilot a healthy university transition.”

Jane Barron
Director of Training & Consulting
Safe Passage Across Networks (SPAN)

“Accessible and wide-ranging, this book is an excellent resource for international school students and Third Culture Kids (TCKs) as they prepare for their transition to higher education. Tina provides a comprehensive overview of the intersections between transnational youth, culture, identity and belonging, and provides practical tools that students can use to prepare for and undergo one of the greatest transitions they will ever experience. With real life stories embedded throughout each chapter, this book brings to life the challenges and opportunities faced by young people today. I know from my work that this book has already had a significant impact on TCKs and international students around the globe and I would highly recommend this second edition to students, parents, guidance counsellors, and international student services personnel.”

Katie Rigg
International Advisor for Student Well-being
Council of International Schools

Tina Quick has struck a marvelous balance between practical ‘how-to’ guidance and the reason(s) why it works. The book prepares TCK students and parents approaching the transition to university, but it is every bit as useful to folks who didn’t have the time, opportunity, or awareness to get ready for this type of change. Whether you devour this new edition cover-to-cover, or use parts of it for quick reference, it is a fantastic resource for TCK students, parents, educators, and counselors. I always have a couple copies in my office, and they get used… A lot.”

Brian D. White
Associate Dean of Students and
Director of International Students & Scholars, Lewis & Clark College

“Effective TCK care during the university years is critical for a healthy transition into adult life. Tina Quick has gathered a great deal of wisdom over her years of raising TCKs and helping others to make the jump to university, technical school, or other tertiary endeavors. The second edition of The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition is a timely release with extensive collaboration and should be on the ‘must-read’ list for third culture secondary grads!”

Michael V. Pollock
Co-author Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, 3rd ed.
DARAJA Director, TCK Author, Educator, and Specialist

Author: Tina Quick

Tina Quick is an author, cross-cultural trainer, and international speaker who has worked closely with international schools and universities around the world. She has also authored Survive and Thrive: The International Student’s Guide to Succeeding in the U.S. She is passionate about bringing to the forefront issues facing students in global transition and helping them understand how to confront the unique challenges a globally mobile lifestyle can bring.

Contributed by Lauren Wells

In my years of working with TCKs, and being a TCK myself, I have experienced the TCK life at all stages. As I walked with families through their globally mobile life, the question that always lingered between myself and the parents with whom I worked was, “is there a way to help the TCK’s trajectory?” It seemed that the natural route for TCKs was to struggle during the transition to life overseas, thrive for a while, struggle during high school, have some serious challenge during young adulthood, and then see many negative manifestations of their upbringing during mid-adulthood. Seeing this pattern over and over caused me to wonder what more could be done to help them to grow into healthy adults who can maximize the many benefits of their overseas upbringing. It became clear that preventive care was the key. Looking at the challenges that statistics show most TCKs face in adulthood and tracing them back to the points in their life when those challenges were birthed can help us to prevent them from manifesting negatively in adulthood.

My Book, Raising Up a Generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids looks at how parents and organizations can provide practical, preventive care for TCKs during their globally-mobile lives.

In the book, I talk about the TCK life being like an ampersand (&). Thinking about my own experience, it is the best way I have found to answer the question, “What was it like to grow up overseas?” It was an ampersand, a both/and. It was both wonderful and difficult, both joy filled and grief filled, both so good and so hard. For each challenge, there was a contrasting benefit that could be birthed out of the difficulty.

My goal in publishing this book is to provide a practical resource and guide for how to maximize the benefits and decrease the negative effects of the many challenges of raising kids in another culture. In essence, I hope to address both sides of the ampersand. I’ve noticed during my years in this field, that people tend to focus on one side or the other—pointing out all the challenges from a fairly hopeless perspective, or not acknowledging that the challenges exist and only promoting the benefits. Having lived this ampersand life, I know that the experience is not at all black-and-white. It is a complex array of blended colors that include just as many complex emotions.

Most importantly, I wrote the book from a place of hope. I believe that we can raise healthy kids outside their passport countries and that these kids can grow up to be incredible contributors to our world. I also believe that we need to take seriously the challenges that so many face because of their unique lifestyles and be proactive about preventive care for Third Culture Kids. Raising Up a Generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids is filled with practical, encouraging, and easy-to-implement ideas that I pray give families and caregivers a sense of hope and direction as they love and support Third Culture Kids throughout their ampersand lives.

Author Lauren Wells

Lauren is the Founder and Director of TCK Training, Director of Training for CultureBound, and author of Raising Up a Generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids. She specializes in practical, proactive care for TCKs and their families. Lauren grew up in Tanzania, East Africa, where she developed a love for smokey chai and Mandazis (African doughnuts). She now lives in the US with her husband and two children.

Contributed by Ruth E. Van Reken

I would guess most of you listed in this directory have heard some version of the following story in your work as international therapists:

You meet a new client and begin the conversation. “Good afternoon. What brings you to my office (or screen) today?”

“Well, people think I have a lot of friends, but inside I’m lonely. I just don’t feel like I fit in anywhere.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Can you tell me something more about your story?” you reply.

“H-mmmm. Like what?”

“Like from the beginning.” You respond. “Who your parents are, where you were born, where you’ve lived, and maybe even how you got here.”

“Well, I got here by car but I guess that’s not what you mean.” And you see the twinkle in her eye and think ‘Well, at least she has a sense of humor!’

“OK, then,” and a more serious look comes on her face. “Let’s see. My mom was born and raised in Country A, my dad is a citizen of country B but grew up in 3 countries himself, I was born in Country C, but moved between 7 other countries before I was 18. I enjoyed living in so many places and seeing so many things. I enjoyed my life and have friends all over the world. So why do I often feel this deep sadness or loneliness?”

And from these facts alone, and before you know why she has moved so much, you hopefully already know the basic story: you are working with a cross-cultural kid (CCK)—someone who has lived among, and meaningfully interacted with, various cultural worlds in his or her first 18 years of life.

“So what’s the big deal about that?”, some (not you, I trust!) would ask.

A therapist I met in 1995 in Australia might have an answer for that question.

In those early days, my focus was primarily on trying to learn more about third culture kids (TCKs)—a specific sub-group of what we now call the larger cohort of CCKs. TCKs grow up outside their parent(s’) passport countries primarily because of the parent(s’) career choices. That particular evening I talked on the benefits and challenges of being a TCK and the factors creating these characteristics. An adult TCK (ATCK) brought his therapist along and both asked insightful questions during the discussion.

Afterwards, this therapist approached me and said, “Tonight I learned something. For months, I have treated my ATCK client for PTSD. It is the only method that has worked with him, but I have never understood why. How can he have classic PTSD symptoms, yet not have any of the usual types of trauma my other clients have? Now I understand how, despite the many benefits he also received, the cycles of separation and loss inherent in his TCK experience can create significant trauma in way I never considered before.

“And I think I learned something else. For years therapists and psychologists assumed if a baby was adopted at birth, there would be no different issues for that child than If he was the parents’ birth child. Now we know that the minute we learn that our client is an adoptee, there are certain things we must look for. After hearing about the TCK Profile tonight, I believe it’s the same with those who have grown up in a globally mobile lifestyle. Once we know this is part of their story, there are certain things we must look for and pay attention to.”

What are some of these things to consider when someone with what Donnyale Ambrosine has called a ‘culturally fluid’ story sits before you?

To begin, we can consider the TCK model as something of a ‘petri dish’—a place where for many years we have studied the impact of cross-cultural mobility during childhood. If we understand what we have already learned as basic issues, we can see how what we have learned here might apply in other situations in our changing world, even when the details of the experience are not identical.

As I’m sure you know, there are two basic hallmarks for a traditional TCK experience: a cross-cultural upbringing and a life filled with high mobility, whether it is their own or living in a community whose members also frequently come and go. It is the intersecting of these two factors that create the often paradoxical list of benefits and challenges that David Pollock developed and described as The TCK Profile (now Section Two of Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among World, 3^rd edition). Certainly, this pattern of chronic disruption in the traditional way children formed a sense of identity in a more mono-cultural experience leads to questions of identity and belonging for many TCKs. In addition, the repetitive cycles of separation and loss due to mobility patterns result in matters pertaining to attachment and unresolved grief. Both of these outcomes and why they happen are also explained at length in Section One of Third Culture Kids.

Applying Lessons Learned

Today’s therapists, however, need to consider how the TCK experience has, in fact, turned out to be what sociologist Ted Ward predicted in 1984—a prototype for the future ‘normal’. That time has come. As the world is changing, our understandings and applications of what we know must keep growing with it. Where are some of the new realities therapists must consider?

The Cross-Cultural Kid Model ©Ruth E. Van Reken, 2002, Used by permission.

First, we must remember the many types of cross-cultural childhoods there are in today’s world. The diagram above lists a few of them, but many more exist. For example, foster children or children of divorce who navigate between different family cultures could also be included. Many CCKs ask the basic questions of “Who am I?” and “Where do I belong?” we have heard for years from traditional TCKs.

Second, remember that CCKs are often in multiple categories at the same time. A traditional TCK may also be an international adoptee. In addition to common TCK characteristics, therapists must also look at known themes adoptees also face. Refugee children undoubtedly experience questions about identity and issues related to major loss but what are the traumas related to war they might also know? Often they become immigrants and live as minorities in a new land while going to school in a very different culture from what they know at home. Often such groups also face racism and bullying as they settle in and become immigrants. This growing cultural complexity is a new but often unrecognized ‘new normal’ in today’s world. How do you as a therapist look at the whole picture?

Third, globally mobile adults who began life in a more monocultural situation often present with issues that overlap with those we know from a traditional TCK experience. In the past, we have presumed that they had already established their sense of identity before beginning global pilgrimages so they would not share similar questions about that as TCKs often do. It seems that may not have been an accurate assumption. Many of these adults also seem to arrive at a state of feeling so changed by the experience, they too ask “So who am I now?” “Where do I belong?” In other words, the issues of identity, belonging, and hidden losses are often present for globally mobile adults as well as for their children and, without understanding or resolution, lead to a nagging sense of “What is wrong with me?”

Fourth, never forget that the shifting cultural contexts across our globe are leaving fewer and fewer places as the ‘monocultural’ communities we knew in the past. That means the skills and understanding you have acquired as ‘international therapists’ have put you ahead of the curve for normalizing and giving language to how global changes are affecting local communities around you as well. You have much to offer! May you find joy in expanding what you already know and do to be more effective than ever in our changing world—not only your sake and your clients’ sake but for your profession as well.

Author Ruth E. Van Reken

Ruth Van Reken is a US citizen who grew up in Nigeria as a second generation third culture kid (TCK)* and raised her three daughters in Liberia For over thirty years Ruth has traveled extensively speaking about issues related to global family lifestyles. Currently, she is seeking to understand how lessons learned from the TCK experience can transfer to others raised among many cultural worlds for various reasons. Ruth is co-author of Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds,3^rd ed., multiple other writings and co-founder and past chairperson of Families in Global Transition.  

Contributed by Tina Quick of International Family Transitions

It’s that familiar time of year again. Spring is in full bloom and difficult to voice emotions are being felt by secondary students all over the world. Graduation is looming large and with it come feelings of exhilaration, excitement, and anticipation about their upcoming adventures, but they may also be feeling sadness and experiencing a sense of loss. They may be feeling some distancing or even exclusion as they give up roles and responsibilities they held as high school seniors and turn them over to underclassmen as they move forward toward graduation and leaving. With those responsibilities also go the status, position and identity they enjoyed in their last years of high school. They are most likely reflecting on what it will be like to leave friends and family behind as they head off to college/university. Parents may notice their student’s mood swings between still wanting to be coddled like an infant and screaming for more independence.

All graduating students are firmly implanted in what the late Dr. David Pollock called the ‘Leaving Stage’ of his transition model, but for Third Culture Kids (TCKs) it can be a very conflicting time. A lot of denial may actually be going on as they find it difficult to imagine that they really are going to be leaving the place they have called “home” for so long. The leaving stage is characterized by a loosening of emotional ties and distancing from family, friends, and relationships. This behavior is quite unconscious and is a form of self-protection – from their own feelings – and it will be displayed in a variety of ways. I watched as each of my three daughters went about this typical withdrawing in their own style.

My normally jovial, sweet, loving, eldest daughter became so irritable and downright annoying that I was convinced she was demon-possessed. She must have, somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind, thought that by acting out, her family would be relieved to see her finally leave home to go off to college, thereby, making her departure easier on us.

My middle daughter handled it quite differently. She spent the entire summer before college hanging out incessantly with her friends. She didn’t loosen any ties with them, only her family. In fact, if anything, she and her secondary school buddies became even tighter over the summer than they were in the years they spent together before graduation. She was pleasant enough when she was around, but that wasn’t very often.

My youngest became a recluse at home. She came home from school or sports practice and went directly to her room. Her only appearance to spend time with family was mealtime. I would always find her in her room reading or doing homework. She used to sit at the kitchen table to do homework so we could chat as I prepared dinner. When I pointed out her long absences, she sighed and replied with a hint of sadness, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be distant.” I then realized this was her way of disengaging and separating from us, her parents.

A TCK’s globally mobile lifestyle (whether they are the ones who are moving around or the one who is always staying put) means that they have experienced a lot of separations and loss. When we lose people and things we need to be able to grieve them. Leaving a beloved host country is no exception. Dr. Pollock used to say that “TCKs need to grieve well to leave well.” Grief validates all the good in our lives. Grieving well means:

• Recognizing and naming the loss(es).
• Mourning the loss(es) – however that may be for the student, i.e. journaling, art, music, poetry, photography. (Some of the most amazing pieces of art I have seen were done by TCKs dealing with grief.)
• Accepting the loss.
• Coming to closure, and
• Moving forward to the next developmental stage.

Dr. Pollock also used to say that “In order to enter well, one must leave well.” In other words, how a person leaves one place will have a profound effect on how well he enters the next.” He went on to develop a model anyone going through transition could use to help them leave well. He used the RAFT acronym which stands for Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewells, and Think and Talk Destination.

Reconciliation – Do not leave a place with broken relationships, undone issues or unfinished business. Try to resolve issues and resentments and reconcile your relationships. Think about who you need to say “I’m sorry,” to or who you may need to apologize to. Broken relationships can hinder making new ones.

Affirmation – Just as giving and receiving forgiveness liberates and heals you, so does affirming people that have been important to you. Telling others (friends, teachers, coaches, pastors, mentors) how much you appreciate and respect them makes you and them feel better about saying good-bye.

Farewells – Saying proper good-byes helps bring closure. Be sure to say good-bye not only to people but also places, pets, and your possessions!

Think and Talk Destination – Find out as much as you can about the college/university you will be attending, the town or city it is in, the state and the country before you get there. Even if it is your ‘home’ country, treat it as a new one! Find someone you can ask questions of. And think about all the things you will need to bring with you. Plan ahead and be prepared so you are not caught totally off guard.

Some third culture kids will be going back to their home or passport country but it may not really feel like home to them. Some will be continuing on to another host country/culture for the university experience. Regardless, all TCKs will be stepping out of that ‘third culture’ or expatriate culture they have been enjoying for so long and may not take into consideration how their international experiences have made them different. They often do not discover they are different until they hit their campuses and are suddenly surrounded by people with whom they have no shared experience. In all the TCK interviews I did for the book, “The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition” the most common concern I heard was, “I don’t fit in…I don’t belong…I can’t connect with anyone.” It’s because the TCK’s life experiences have been very different from someone who grows up in a basically stable, traditional, mono-cultural community. I always encourage them to remember they have not had the same experiences as their peers so they need to find common ground on which to connect. I also tell them Naomi Hattaway’s “I Am a Triangle” story. It’s too long for me to write about it here but it is a foundational concept that truly explains the TCK experience. I encourage every reader to read about it at http://iamatriangle.com/triangle-story/. Wishing you and your students every success in their upcoming adventure.

Author: Tina Quick of International Family Transitions

Tina Quick, author of The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition and Survive and Thrive: The International Student’s Guide to Succeeding in the U.S. is a cross-cultural trainer, writer and international speaker. She is an adult Third Culture Kid (ATCK) and has raised her own TCKs across four cultures and continents. She has served as Program Chair on the Board of Directors of Families in Global Transition (FIGT) and on the Advisory Board for TCKid. Tina works closely with colleges and universities, domestic and international schools.