More Than a Move: The Inner Journey of Expat Life
Contributed by Rachel Moore, LICSW
A few months ago, I was talking with an eight-year-old boy when I mentioned that I was an immigrant. He looked at me with surprise, shook his head, and exclaimed, “No you’re not!” and laughed.
Curious, I asked him why he thought that.
His reply: “You don’t look like an immigrant.”
That moment has stayed with me. Because what does an immigrant “look” like?
The Invisible Parts of Moving Between Worlds
Being an immigrant, expat, or expatriate can be visibly seamless…or not. It can be met with warmth and welcome, or with suspicion, hostility, and questions about whether you “belong.”
On paper, it might look simple: moving from one country to another. They might even share many cultural similarities. But what I’ve learned from living between the US and UK throughout my adult life, and working with many expats, is that it’s never as simple as it looks, and what can feel most difficult can be found in the million subtle differences that you don’t see at first:
- Bureaucracy and getting even the simplest thing done.
- How friendships form (and how long it takes).
- How people spend time, when things are open or closed, the foods that are supposed to comfort.
- The hidden social rules, and sometimes the obvious ones too.
- Language, accent, pronunciation (OK, you usually see this one).
Each difference on its own might feel small, but together they can leave you feeling out of step, isolated, or even doubting yourself.
Different Journeys, Even in the Same Family
I have moved between the UK and US (more than once). My sister moved from the UK to Australia. On the outside, they seemed like an easy transitions: same language, similar culture. But her reaction to the move, her enthusiasm for the change, and the timeline for adjusting were all very different from mine.
That’s the truth about migration: even within the same family…the inner journey is deeply personal.
What looks “easy” from the outside can feel anything but on the inside.
Holding the Expat Experience
In my work, I often meet women who are navigating these very tensions: relief and discomfort, belonging and disconnection, confidence and doubt. They may be immigrants, expats, trailing spouses, or global professionals…but they all share the experience of trying to make sense of life across borders.
The truth is: moving to another country changes you. It reveals things about who you are, what you value, and how you prefer to experience connection and belonging.
It can be one of the most challenging, disorienting, and isolating experience of your life.
But it can also be one of the most liberating, joyful, and growth-filled experiences of your life.
An Invitation
If you’re living abroad and finding yourself caught in some of the difficulties of re-location, I want you to know that you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
I offer a free conversation to see if working together feels like a good match. It’s a chance to share where you are, and to explore what kind of support might help you feel more at home, wherever you are in the world.
Author: Rachel Moore, LICSW
Since 2013, Rachel Moore, LICSW has supported women expats worldwide in navigating identity, belonging, and life transitions with warm, practical, and compassionate coaching and counselling.
Website: Coachwithrachel.com
